How can I help my wife with being upset at the baby?

My Wife calls me sometimes 1 or twice a week while I'm at work and starts talk to me hysterically. She is upset at our baby...or rather at his actions. Our baby is 4 moths old, and is very temperamental to say the least. Most of the time he is good and there is no problem, but when he gets upset he is almost inconsolable. She screams at me telling me that she can't handle it anymore and we need to put him in day care and such, which I am deathly, afraid of, among other things. It always ends in some huge fight between us.





Basically my question is this. How can I help her through the times like this that occur when I am 45 minutes away at work? I work in an environment where getting time off to deal with this is about like pulling teeth on a shark.





Answers that don't include day care are preferred and welcome! Thank you in advance for your answers

How can I help my wife with being upset at the baby?
Oh my goodness! Your wife sounds like I probably sounded when my child was about that age! He is 2 now, but there were days I thought I was literally at my wits end!! I would call my husband upset at work too! I suffered from Post Partum Depression. She may be suffering from this too. She may need an anti-depressant. Even if she is breast-feeding there are still some anti-depressants that are safe. She should definitely consider talking to her doctor. I can totally understand not wanting to put the baby in daycare if you don't have to. I have stayed at home since my child was born. Its definitely a very hard job, but extremely rewarding. My child was definitely very high maintenance as a baby. I am pretty sure he had colic too. Some babies are just a little more challenging than others. Couple that with hormonal changes, lack of sleep, etc. then you can definitely have a mom that is extremely emotional! Just hang in there and let your wife know that you are with her every step of the way. Things will get better! Believe me, I know! I can still clearly remember the nights my husband had to go drive my son around to get him to calm down! It does get easier. If she is a first time mom this can definitely all be a shock to the system at first! Praying that things get better for ya'll soon!!! Hang in there!!
Reply:are you first time parents
Reply:Does she have someone else to help her with the baby? Maybe her mom or a friend can help her out. Or she could be going through post partum depression which is why she gets upset at times, ask her to get help if you think she is going through it.
Reply:Okay, you need to tell her to calm down, obviously. When the baby is like that tell her to put him in the crib and take a time out herself until she can collects her thoughts then go in and try and figure the problem out.


My other suggestion would be to check with the doctor to make sure he does not have colic.
Reply:you can have a seat and talk to her (whenever you have time)


and tell her you dont want him in a daycare, and you can tell her he can spend some time with his grandparents instead :)


im sure theyed be happy to spend time with him
Reply:Maybe she needs help. Maybe can a family member help her a little bit during the days.


But I think your wife needs a break. A little time away from the baby. Maybe she needs an afternoon with some friends or an evening alone with you.


I agree about the day care thing, I would never put my kids in there, I didn't want strangers watching them.


But you might want to see about a counselor too. Maybe she needs someone to talk to. Maybe a support group for new mothers, that might help her.


She needs to calm down and realize that when she gets stressed the baby can feel it too.


Good Luck! ♥
Reply:My sister has times when her daughter drove her to the brink too. When this happened a nice long drive in the car was like baby krpytonite. She couldnt resist falling asleep.


Sometimes the sound of the vaccume would do it too.


She should keep track of what is going on just before the melt down. That may provide a clue about why he is screaming. He may have gas from eating etc.


If he is being overly fussy and you cannot figure out what is triggering it, you may make an appointment with the pediatrician for a check up just in case.


Good Luck.
Reply:Well, if it doesnt scare you, you could hire a sit in nanny.





Your wife could do whatever during the day and the nanny would take care of the baby.


just make sure you screen the possible nannies before letting them work for you.





ask questions about how well they can manage anger and such so that you know they will not shake or abuse the baby.





make sure you dont hire anyone who has had to take anger management classes before because they would be likely to have a relapse and danger your child.





hope it helps


=D
Reply:I can remember how frustrating and unnerving it was when my first baby was about that age. Your wife may be going through post partum depression and she may also not be emotionally equipped to handle the demands of a demanding baby. Some babies are more difficult than others. She should see her doctor at once and tell him/her what is going on. Antidepressants should help her cope. Also check into Mommy's day out. Every Mom needs a break. God Bless. Trust me. Things will get better
Reply:Your wife really just needs some breaks to not feel over burdened. She is calling you as an outlet so she doesn't take it out on the child which she knows can't help it.





I know she might not like this but daycare is not the ticket either for she will only get sick alot and make her cry more. Also your wife will start to feel guilt over it after awhile.





I think what you can do is when you are home help out do some chores take over mommy duty and tell her to relax or go out and have some fun. If she gets a small break a couple times a week you will probably see a dramatic difference.





Many women get like this when they are not getting enough rest. When tired you are more edgey and out of control you tend to blow things out of porportion. I believe your wife is just sleep deprived ask a family member to come over a couple of times a week to help out for an hour or two and make sure your wife is getting some rest. Many times when our kids are young we don't sleep when they do we get the things done we couldn't while they were up by the time we get that done they are up again. Tell her not to worry about the little things dishes, laundry, etc tell her when the baby naps she should nap and tell her you will help her catch the household things up when you get home.





Good Luck
Reply:She needs some kind of help, this is obvious. Is there an female relative around who is experienced with dealing with babies and who can help a bit some Mum can have a rest from it? Or any relative really, it doesn't have to be female, just kind and competent with babies.





She needs someone who can coach her a little bit - when a baby gets upset it screams, but it's the only way it can communicate, and it sounds like she's taking the screaming personally, and she needn't. Most infants just want to be held a certain way, or need to be distracted out of their upset, and it might help you wife if she was shown a way how to do these things.





To be honest, day care isn't so bad. It's just expensive. A reputable carer can be the a really great help. I think that a divorce might end up being a lot more expensive ....
Reply:Sounds like your wife is stressed from post partum depression. Let her know she is not " failing" as a mom, needs help because babies can drive anyone crazy if you can't console him. Also, get baby checked out.


I agree with you on daycare, i have had horrible experiences when my kids were young and they were with licensed, inspected agencies that i fully checked out before hand. Hang in there but make sure your wife gets checked for ppd.
Reply:Maybe you can find someone who can take over the baby (at your house) when she gets stressed.





Or have them come over twice a week for, say 4 hours, so she can leave and relax somewhere.





Are their neighbors with babies? Maybe they can set up ways to share the load.





The main thing is, if he's inconsolable, maybe she should just put him down, and leave the room, so she doesn't have to listen to him.





We're hard-wired to be distressed at the sound of a baby crying or screaming. It's understandable that she goes over the edge. She's BUILT that way, as a matter of biological survival. of the species.





If she can just get away from the sound (play music in another room, for instance -- at the other end of the house), it won't freak her out for long periods.





I hope you appreciate how hard this is on her: every cell of her body is screaming at her to help the baby, but there's nothing she can do.





It's really a torment.





So finding ways of releiving the situation, either by having someone she can call to sit for a while, or just leaving the baby in his crib, where he's safe, and getting away from the noise.





Anything to relieve it.





Any relatives that live nearby? Neighbors? Friends? Responsible teens? A professional?





Anyone who can help HER, so you don't have this stress on YOU.



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