What have you learned from movies?

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.


2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.





3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.





4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.





5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.





6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.





7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.





8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.





9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.





10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.





11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.





12. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.





13. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.





14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.





15. All single women have a cat.





16. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.





17. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.





18. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.





19. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.





20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.





21. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.





22. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.





23. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.





24. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.





25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.





26. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.





27. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.





28. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.





29. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.





30. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.





31. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

What have you learned from movies?
1. You forgot that when being chased by a monster, the woman usually falls down on the ground causing the male companion to choose between leaving her or helping her.





2. In a musical, anyone mortally wounded is able to sing an aria or two before expiring.





3. The minority person usually gets killed.





4. Any explosion in space comes with a loud noise even though in space, it's a vaccum and can't carry sound.





5. Anyone wearing white never gets dirty.





6. Hair is never mussed up.





7. People never have to clean their houses, everything is always in place and well decorated.





8. People rarely have time to go to work.





9. The lead actors usually are never over weight and are good looking.





10. When faced with an onslaught of death, no one thinks of calling the police or leaving the scene.





11. Cars never need painting. And, in movies set in an earlier time period, all cars have bright, new paint jobs, usually red.





12. Will Smith generally ruins a movie by singing in it.





13. All animals can understand and communicate in English.





14. Elevators in abandoned buildings usually work, even though the power is turned off.





15. James Bond always gets the girl but never an STD.
Reply:Very nice. Excellent list.





I am fond of the line out of the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, "Sunset Boulevard".





The character of Norma Desmond, the fading silent film screen star, sings in one of her songs about the era of silent films:





"We taught the world, new ways to dream."
Reply:Oh man - those are so good. I wish I could think of some, but I think you covered them all.
Reply:Hilarious!!





I have learned that all woman find themselves in high heels when they are in danger and they need to run. They also never run fast enough by themselves, so they need some guy to drag them along by holding their hand.
Reply:I'm going with #23 cause of their 6th sence.
Reply:I love it!!! I wish I had my own soundrrack playing through my life then i would know how to feel I might steal this for my myspace!!
Reply:What happened to if you can not kill them with a gun try throwing it at them that might work.


Every missed gun shoot will cause a reckache even in the if there is nothing but sand around.
Reply:After sitting here for five minutes, hurting my brain trying to think of another one to add and failing miserably, I'll just say that was an excellent list. I especially like the Eiffel Tower one. It's totally true too! :p





I've learned that life would be *much* more exciting with a soundtrack. I want to hire a guy to follow me around for an entire day, playing the appropriate music at all times.
Reply:good list. One thing I learned that isn't there is to quit while your ahead. I learned that from American Gangster. I mean going for it all can be too big of a risk. Look at Frank Lucas, He lost 30 members of his family. He lost everything. He lost his mother's love. He is left with very little after his release. This lesson also applies to Scarface.
Reply:Wow, you've learned alot!, but generally I watch to enjoy, not to learn.
Reply:that we both watch a way too much TV.





also that a bomb is never defused, with more than 1 second, before it goes off.





and when a woman is in danger, she can knock her attacker down, but then decides to run away, instead of keeping him down.
Reply:lmao, this is good!!
Reply:I can think of a thing or two:





Firstly, if you (female) go on a trip by plane (that naturally always crashes, leaving you alone in the wild jungle/desert with the big, strong, good looking and adveturous hero you can't stand at all), it is advisable to do so in high heels, shorts and see-through blouses.








Bombs or other kind of explodable devices can either be built or stopped from detonating with a ball-point pen, a chewing gum wrapper and a battery.





All people in every kind of movie never have to go to the bathroom, if they don't: need to flee out the bathroom window,


take a secret pregnancy test or really need to be surprised by their archenemy who came in the front door while they were in the bathroom.
Reply:this is great! got any more? loved it a lot, thanks. soo funny.



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